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My first full-time job after graduation was in marketing. I did well at it, and when I became a father in 2019 at the age of 26, I was able to provide for my young family. 

However, after the arrival of my first child, I found myself becoming restless at work. 

Between office time and work trips overseas, not being able to spend much time with my young son made me unsure how to interact with him. I couldn’t help but notice that some of my colleagues and bosses, especially those who spent a lot of time at work, didn’t seem to have good relationships with their children. 

The uncertainty always hummed in the back of my mind. “Was I doing something wrong or right?” I’d wonder. 

Meanwhile, my wife had embarked on a new career path as an infant educator after becoming a mother. Over time, I started noticing positive changes in her. 

She became more confident and patient; her mannerisms and speech also changed. I realised that she now took the time to pause and think during interactions, taking into account the other person’s perspective before responding – not just with our son, but with me too. 

She shared with me that all these were strategies she had picked up in her experiences as an early childhood professional. 

Watching her become more and more adept at interacting with our son, my curiosity grew and grew. I wanted to understand these approaches better so I, too, could become a more confident parent. 

FALLING SHORT IN FATHERHOOD

The turning point came when my son was three years old. 

During this period, I was trying my best to spend as much time as possible with him after work, during weekends and leave days, and even during the short journey to school in the mornings. I even chose a workplace close to my son’s preschool so that I could swiftly pick him up if required. 

I was also taking upskilling courses to better provide for my family. However, this also meant less time spent with my son. 

The frustration and guilt accumulated. I felt I wasn’t meeting my own expectations as a father – instead, I was always busy with work that I couldn’t even find value in anymore. 

I began to think seriously about taking a leaf from my wife’s book to join the early childhood sector. I thought this could be the way for me to become the father figure I’d always envisioned. 

But this was easier said than done. 

I would have to quit my stable, well-paying job and become a student again, which meant a significant loss of income. My friends and parents were concerned as well.

My wife and I carefully considered our track record so far. We’d been prudent enough to have accrued a decent amount in savings. After many lengthy discussions, we concluded that once I settled into my new path, we could eventually recover from any short-term financial impact. 

Money could always be made again. Time with my son during his crucial growing-up years could never be regained. 

ADJUSTING TO A NEW PATH

In June 2023, I left my marketing career to begin a new position as a trainee teacher at a preschool. Later, in November, I began pursuing an early childhood diploma at the National Institute of Early Childhood Development. 

Since then, thanks to my classes and my hands-on experiences at preschools, I find that I’ve become more mindful and self-assured in interacting with my son. 

My wife and I have been able to better discuss and evaluate the different early childhood development strategies we want to adopt with our son – to better communicate with him, and build his confidence, expressiveness and independence. For example, when he speaks, we’re careful not to interrupt so that he feels heard. 

We’re also more diligent in being role models, as we’re aware that at this young age, our son has a strong instinct to mirror behaviour he observes. 

Being able to share knowledge like this has helped us grow stronger together, enabling us align more closely on our parenting approach and values. 

However, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. 

During my attachment as a trainee teacher, I observed apprehension from some parents towards me as a male educator, especially for those with daughters. I could understand their concern, but it was sometimes still a difficult pill to swallow. 

With regular interactions over time, these parents usually became more comfortable with me. Some even approached me to seek advice on how to better support their child’s development. 

I recall one instance where two parents asked for advice on how to wean their two daughters off wearing diapers to sleep at night. 

I advised them on how to speak to their children about trying to urinate less while sleeping, and to ease the transition by using waterproof bed pads to protect the mattress. I also addressed their concerns about this transition period being tiring due to the repeated washing of clothes and bed pads – but reassured them that it’s a natural part of supporting their young children’s development and that things will improve. 

It was pretty simple advice to me, but their faces instantly lit up and it was clear they appreciated the insights. I was glad they could see my passion for supporting their children’s growth and development. 

DOING WORK OF VALUE

Making the switch to join the early childhood sector was admittedly a gamble. Most people might balk at the thought of leaving a stable career for a vocation that typically offers less conventionally attractive prospects for salary and status progression. 

But I feel that it’s given me exactly what I wanted: To be able to connect more with my son, and to better support his development and learning.  

This path isn’t easy. There are many days when I have to put in extra hours to prepare for classes. 

However, I see a lot of value in all the work I do now, nurturing children who are, like my son, in need of good support and guidance as they grow. My own family and friends have come around as well to realise the importance of better early childhood development skills, especially in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic.  

For me, what makes each day worth it is no longer a pay cheque, but the sense of fulfilment I get to take home with me. 

Joel Ng, 31, is a student at the National Institute of Early Childhood Development and a trainee teacher at a preschool. Most proudly, he is father to five-year-old Aidan. 

If you have an experience to share or know someone who wishes to contribute to this series, write to voices [at] mediacorp.com.sg with your full name, address and phone number.